The Dark Side of Slime

There is a phenomenon. A possessing of children in households everywhere. You may be tempted to give in. It seems harmless at first. It may even seem educational, a great science project or sensory experiment.

You would be wrong.

I’m here to warn you before you make the same mistake I did. The harmless will become an obsession. There will be small signs at first. You may notice that your shaving cream is missing. Or your contact solution. Perhaps you go to the cupboard for tupperware and find it empty. These warning signs should not be ignored. You need to intervene before it’s too late.

What is it? This seemingly innocent project?

Slime. Cue theme music from Jaws.

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If you have young kids you probably just shuddered when I said that. If you have yet to give into their requests to make slime please, please stay strong. I’m doing you a favor.

You may be tempted to search Pinterest for recipes. Don’t do it. You’ll see beautiful pictures of angelic children playing happily, and neatly, with their homemade slime. I can reassure you that making homemade slime has similar results to me creating a Pinterest cake. It ain’t pretty. It is a huge mess. A gigantic mess. It doesn’t wash off easily. It will be on their clothes, in their hair, on the cat. Imagine finding little baby blue cat prints across your hardwood floor. Dried. You have to scrape it off. I can’t even type about glitter sign. It makes me hyperventilate. 

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Slime is banned in our household. They’ve had their fun with it and I’ve had my fill of it. Which is just as well because we are completely out of white glue. Along with every store in town. Not kidding, a friend had to order it in for her child’s slime birthday party. Agreed to, I’m sure, in a moment of weakness.

 

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